Confessions of a Teenage Writer

new memories

2006-09-08T05:07:18Z

long time...

yes i know.

for all you um 2 1/2 ppl that read this.

if u care to start up on my new drama/bullshit

http://chloesullivan86.livejournal.com/

is my new journal. This one had too many memories of well... pain.

guh. again.

2006-06-01T19:32:03Z

Ugh. Again. Seriously Christine STOP.

So i like him... not alot but i like him... and he is the HARDEST person to understand. I know he likes me but i just cant figure out how much... sometimes hes all over me and sometimes hes ignoring me... (aka last nite)

aparently it was because i was 'curt and short' on the phone...wtf is that supposed to mean!?

Im really not likeing things about him, and i know i need to talk to him about it... im walking into disaster and i know it.

Why is it that i feel used all of a sudden?

my life is like whoa...

2006-05-18T18:50:18Z

Whoa. Like Whoa. Seriously WHERE did that message come from?! No where. I was all fine and dandy and then "DING". I think i almost killed Chantel and Val- and i slammed on my breaks in front of a COP cause i was so shocked.

So after Tuesdays drama, it was nice to hang out with a bunch of people without stupid stress. So Alisha picked me and Carlie up and we met at chantels for poker night... Greg V, Tessa, Brad, Chad, Val, Courtney, etc showed up and we had a HUGE poker game. i was howling and stealing chantels chips. Aubree called and her and travis showed up for a while too. I went outside for a bit and Alisha and Carlie were there... so we vented. Mostly about our strupid guy friends... and established that if a guy sleeps with a gurl when he barely knows her that the girls becomes somewhat less attractive to the guy. Chad and Brad came out and we asked them what they thought... and Brad just goes 'akward!' and walks in the house. We just HOWLED.

Then chantel and i taught Val the 'saturday night dance' after more ppl left. I had a sweet talk with Val about Smallville and the AMAZING season finale (even when i fell off the bed when Chloe kissed Clark). So after Aubree and Travis left at like 3 am i announced i was hungry... so Val had drank a lot so i drove her car all the way to st. kitts for mcdonalds (that makes 4 times now in 2 days... whoa like cow)

So im driving home and Val says 'chris u have a text message' I open my phone and slamm on the breaks. WTF where did THAT come from? chantels freaking out and vals laughing cuz a cop was right beside us.

Its nice to know ive been missed...i smiled. Not that anything will ever become of us, just cuz of stupid stuff... butt im glad that im at least getting thought of once in a while. The rest of the messages were cute. My heart smiled.

So we came home... fell asleep through ella enchanted... and woke up to stupid conmstruction men banging and stupid crap. Ugh. So Friday is Arizonas for James bday... Carlie and i decided that since hes been a big headed loserface lately, were gonna get him SO drunk and find some girl for him to dance with and watch him be retarded. Mean? Yes. But James needs a kick in the head sometimes... plus its his birthday... he wont remember it. Then i work saturday till 11, and sunday till 8. Hmm... maybe ill go to the movies. Any takers?

like we never loved at all?

2006-05-18T02:38:48Z

You never looked so good 
As you did last night 
Underneath the city lights 
There, walking with your friend 
Laughing at the moon 
I swear you looked right through me 
But I'm still living with your goodbye 
And you're just going on with your life 

[Chorus] 
How can you just walk on by 
Without one tear in your eye 
Dont you have the slightest feelings left for me? 
Maybe thats just your way 
Of dealing with the pain 
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall 
Like we never loved at all 

You, I hear you're doing fine 
Seems like you're doing well 
As far as I can tell 
Time, is leaving us behind 
Another week has passed 
And still I haven't laughed yet 
So tell me what your secret is 
To letting go, letting go like you did 

[Chorus] 
How can you just walk on by 
Without one tear in your eye 
Dont you have the slightest feelings left for me? 
Maybe thats just your way 
Of dealing with the pain 
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall 
Like we never loved at all 

Did you forget the magic? 
Did you forget the passion, oh 
And did you ever miss me? 
And long to kiss me 

Oh baby, baby 
Maybe that's just your way 
Of dealing with the pain 
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall 
Like we never loved at all

drama drama drama

2006-05-17T18:39:43Z

Wow. So much drama last night... and it didnt have anything to do with me once.

All i did was dance my heart away with Alisha when i come outside and i find out ppl got in fist fights, got kicked out and were crying outside.

Boys are worse than girls. Jeze.

My friends are so funny tho... Alisha and i had some laughs about it when i dropped her off... Something always happens.

I had a pretty good time tho- even tho i was sober... 2nite? POKER!

"drama drama drama"

Lmao.

smiles :)

2006-05-16T03:53:34Z

Today was a reminder of WHY i became a lifeguard.

Ive worked the past two nights, but i got called in tonight cause Jen's relative passed away. So i got there at 7 and Jeremy wanted to take a break before Lorraine left. My last words to him "If i have to go in now- you are dead" just cuz i went in last night when Michelle was on break.

So yes- i had to go in. This large lady went down and lost her footing (she was kinda over weight) and couldnt stand up.... so i jumped in and grabbed her and lifted her up. She didnt realize i was helping her and she struggled but i managed (some how) to lift her up and told her she was ok.

Her sister was HOWLING at her, and realizes then that she was drowning and isnt sure whether she should laugh or cry. She said if i wasnt there she would have just let her drown because she didnt realize she was actually drowning. Then she thanked me and statred crying because she was so thankful that i saved her sister- that she didnt want to finish this vacation alone because she had to bury her sister when she was here.

She came back twice to thank me.

Then a man came over and said he saw and said it was a tremendous rescue- and he was surprised a tiny person like me could lift such a heavy woman.

Boancy?

I smiled. But i was wet for the remaining 4 hours of the shift.

sick and tired...

2006-05-15T06:39:13Z

I strated a blog... and got to three pages before i just couldnt do it any more. It hurt too much. I cried too much.

So im going to sum it all up.

Im so sick and tired of all this fucken bullshit. Seriously. I have so much pent up rage, and hostility towards ALOT of people... but yet i put on this happy face and keep my mouth shut. Im going to snap on someone soon.

on my mom... on dave...on everyone.

The problem? Im too fucken nice. I dont have the guts to say what i really want to say. I can't just open my mouth and say...

"Im sick of you making me feel like you 'at your convience g/f"
"Im sick of you pretending your life is so much better without me in it"
"Im sick feeling like your feelings were just a phase"
"Im sick of you not seeing ME for ME"
"Im sick of being invisible to you"
"Im sick of being treated like i was the worst person ever"
"Im sick of being treated like nothing was ever good enough for you"

Im.
fucken.
sick.
and.
tired.

Fuck.

Will... please help me here. Give me the strength not to go mental. Help me find the people that care, and see me for me. You did. I miss you...and really need you, more than anyone understands.
Frig.

was it all a waste of time...

2006-05-14T06:25:38Z

This was all for nothing.

There fore i give up.

On you. on me. on this.

Good. Bye.

screw you

2006-05-13T15:28:48Z

Ugh... i hate it when people tell me things about you.
I have how you act around me. I hate how you leave me just so damn confused. I hate it how your friends tell me one thing, you tell me another, and i see another thing.

If i hear 'your my girl' come out of your mouth one more time- ill shove my foot so far up your ass you'll be able to tie my shoelaces with your tongue. But who knows id id actually want your tongue even touching my shoelaces now.

Seriously. Make up your damn mind already and stop playing with mine. I deal with that way more than i deserve. I try to stay away- but SOMEHOW i cant.

Frig. Things suck. Royally. Crying like every fucken day is probably not a good thing.

What ever.

her and me

2006-05-11T19:39:09Z

We were 18 and on our own
when we hit the gas for adentures unknown
even when we were 5 i helped her when she would fall
and nothing much else really mattered at all

I knew what happened when she got that scar
and how we almost all died in her car
bathroom secrets spilled into the dark
and every memory is piece of my heart

It's a lullaby
Its a beautiful life
and its sings me to sleep almost every night
so i hold it close
and i hide it away
thats how i keep it from going astray
love doesnt need a rhyme or a reason to be
this is the story of her and me

We grew up fast in a few short years
we littered the path with tracks of our tears
but we wrote our thoughts on the wonderland wall
and nothing much else matters at all

We earnd every line in our twenty years
we cried over boys and we laughed through our tears
i wouldnt trade the girl for a song
she lets me know right where i belong

'photograph' dancing, lesbian angels in the snow
getting dumped and eating raw cookie dough
buying bacon at the liquor store
strange, now nobody knows me more

Its a lullaby
its a beautiful life
and it sings me to sleep most every night
So i always hold it close
and i hide it away
thats how i keep it from going astray
love doesnt need a rhyme or a reason to be
this is the story of her and me

this is the story of her and me

dead bugs and drunk goggles?!

2006-05-11T04:51:28Z

Frig.

words of wisom? when you dont think you have drunk goggles on. You do. I dont care how much i tried to tell myself i wasnt that drunk last night- i was. There is no way he looked like that last night compared to seeing him tonight. Crooked teeth make me cringe.

Stupid bad lighting at bucks...

Chelsea laughed at me for 10 minutes... but not before she howled at me for stepping on the dead bug barefoot as she is yelling across the pool to watch out for it.

"It happens at the Hilton"

I need a vacation.

penny_lane_86 @ 2006-05-10T13:29:00

2006-05-10T17:30:17Z

I guess i waste no time.

Way to go slut.

born to run...

2006-05-10T07:03:47Z

I have never cried so much in the last 3 days then i have in my entire life.

I need to get away. I need out. Now. This is all too much to handle.

But not after lifehouse concert on June 14th...then NYC on the 15th.

Then im gone...born to run. Its all moms fault... she played that song too much for me as a kid.

i hate...

2006-05-05T06:49:10Z

sensless useless drama.

fuck. seriously.

aaaaaand i hate it when people bitch about things THEY hate when they do the same thing.

"Fuck- stupid people saying stupid shit when they are drunk pisses me off cuz its all pretty much bull shit"

yup. Im pretty sure all YOU say is bull shit when your drunk. eat your words idiot.

following through

2006-05-01T20:50:25Z

I spend too much of my time in a state of passive dread. Just waiting for something bad to happen. In a life like this- relief is as close as i get to happiness. I used to look at pictures so often, that i would pull out every nuance in the memory- every meaning, every drop of emotion. I sucked them so dry that im surprised they didn't burst into powder. I remember the joy every time i saw him- life so full of potential. I remember the multitude of fresh unfelt feelings that made each meaning feel like the first.

But thats all over. Every memory put into a box and placed neatly on a shelf. Its time to move on, and to quit dwelling on the "what could have been's" or things that could have been different. The truth is- i did all i could. I said what i felt- and went above and beyond what i should have.

That stops here. Now.

I deserve better than you.
I deserve happiness, and that isn't with you.
You don't see me standing right in front of you because you are too busy trying to find a girl at the bottom of the bottle.
She isn't there idiot. Have fun drowning in it searching.

Their are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it.

Im glad i didnt. All it would be is an emotional turmoil- and im far better than that. Im better than you. Im better than this.

So thats my new epiphany. Im sticking to it- and following through.

Something you don't know how to do.

penny_lane_86 @ 2006-04-29T12:59:00

2006-04-29T16:59:46Z

Will i need you.

Please help me.

Please?

screw off

2006-04-29T16:57:31Z

The past 24 hours have sucked worst than ever.

My parents are mental.
My sisters are retarded.
My love life if a piece of shit.
my work is meaning less
and i feel like im drowning.

nothing is going right.

i feel like screaming, like throwing something, like breaking something. and i cant. and i feel even worse.

fuck you. all of you.

penny_lane_86 @ 2006-04-29T03:28:00

2006-04-29T07:29:30Z

Fuck. You.

Thats all im saying.

No more head games.
No more yoyo.
Im through. Especially with you.

im better than this. im better than you.

Last chances...

2006-04-28T22:21:45Z

I want someone whos crazy about me.
I want someone who thinks about me.
I want someone who can't wait to see me.
I want someone who can't stop kissing me.
I want someone who misses me.
I want someone to get butterflies.

I was re reading old journals, and on New Year's when Dave showed up, he wrapped me in a huge hug- kissed me and said he cant believe he just went 4 days without seeing me.

So it got me thinking... if dave really and TRUELLY was seious about wanting what he said Tuesday night... hed act on it right? I see ho crazy James is about Alisha, and even how much Chris was crazy about chantel last night. THATS what i want. Not 'waiting to see what happeneds'. My life is spontaneous...and i shouldnt have to wait. I shouldnt be the one making all the effort.

If he cant think with his heart instead of his head... then i cant be expected to be with someone like that when im doing just the opposite.

Sometimes its now or never. No time outs. No second chances.

I hope he sees that.

sick... bring me soup

2006-04-27T13:45:28Z

Ugh.

I am so sick. Seriously i feel like i was hit by a bus. It just hit me yesterday all of a sudden and got worse. Last night i was tossing and turning and hallucinating. Pretty sure i had a fever, cuz when i woke up i was drenched in sweat.

Guh. I have to take an exam today that i havent even studied for. Fuck.

So much damn drama...

2006-04-26T16:39:44Z

Why does everything alway complicate themselves? For a short while i seem to have a handle on my life, and then things just completly disrupt it.

So Friday was the Toga party. I was REALLY nervous about the amount of ppl and things getting spilled, broken, stolen etc. I didn't drink as much first because i was still keeping an eye out on things, plus i was still a bit nervous from drinking so much the weekend before and puked for two hours. A few mishaps went down- besides me breaking things off with Ken on his answering machine... Val and Carlie leaving to a kegger without saying anything after Val had been drinking...i SCREAMED at them for that. Sachas friends lighting a sparkler in my house... two randoms making out in my bed... beer being spilt on my keyboard... and the police coming and telling us to make sure everyone was inside... but then i finally loosened up and started drinking more.

I drank till 6 a.m. No lies. Me Dave and Jeff did shots at 6 in the morning. We were SO drunk. Dave and i went upstairs to bed, and all i remember is him talking and then us both passing out. He wasnt even under the covers (that makes it 4 times in a week and a half... go me) and when we woke up we were both still SO drunk. We went to mcdonalds and we could all barely eat. I came home and fell asleep with James North and Jeff... then cleaned up a bit (after calling in sick for work - ugh... hungover) till my rents got home that night at 7 (early... the travel agency screwed up their flights)

Saturday went to the bar- left early cause i was sober, and the taste and smell of any type of booze made me nauteaous.

Sunday- worked till 11.

Monday- went to the movies with Chantel, Courtney, Alisha and James North. I never laughed so hard ever. Pizza wont be the same unless were talking about sex. Just a note... popcorn does NOT belong in between your love taco... i wear my sunglassed at night cause im a sketchd out crack head. Um like your mom?

Seriously i think people wanted to KILL us at the theatre. It was fun tho.

I also got into a fight with Ken that day. He pretty much blamed things on me.

Type your cut contents here.

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

Ken says:

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

how r u

Ken says:

fine

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

so im guessing ure mad at me or something

Ken says:

just alittle

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

why

Ken says:

cause u fuckingbitch at me like everythings my fault and u fail to understand just how busy i am and just how much i need to think about my job, i also look at these pics of ur party and ur all over phil

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

Ok... first off i NEVER blamed you. I told you from the beginning that i wasnt about to have games played with me. that is what you started to do. You didnt msg me or call or anything, and you would promise to come down and then NOT tell me when something came up. I understand that you are busy with your job, but what made me mad was that you couldnt find 10 seconds out of your busy day to sa

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

*say... 'hey im really busy today- so i cant talk much but im thinking about you... etc" AND phil and i are friends... you know that. NOTHING has ever happened... and its not like you made it clear that you wanted any thing more from us... i was upset. Phil was there for me

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

i dont want a realationship with someone who i cant see or speak to for days at a time REGARDLESS about how busy you are

Ken says:

whatever, ur the one who was out with ur ex on more then 1 occasion, u want that to make me happy, and phil was there for u, phil doesnt give a shit

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

I could never count on you! '

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

You couldnt make time for me ken, and call me stupid but i WANT someone who wants to be with me, whos crazy about me and you just couldnt give me that. Dave and i are JUST friends... and everytime i was with him all i would talk about was YOU. But you were too busy to see that

Ken says:

just friends, i dunno about u but i dont kiss y firends

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

Dave kissed me ONCE

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

when i was drunk

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

and i came RIGHT in and told you

Ken says:

twice u told me, and u guys sleep in the same bed, i dont give a fuck, friends or not, ur exèx and that shit aint right

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

BUT YOU AND I ARENT DATING

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

AND YOU NEVER MADE IT KNOWN THAT YOU WANTED THAT

Ken says:

so then why the fuck would u stresss so much about chelsea

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

I didnt

Ken says:

fuck that noise, yes u did

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

with what!?

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

i NEVER got mad that you hung out with her...

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

i was concerned cuz u still had feelings for her... and i knew that would get in the way if you and i HAPPENED to actually date

Ken says:

you always stressed wanting to now what was with me and her

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

because i didnt want to get a reality slap and have you say all of a sudden

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

'we got back together'

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

its happened to me too much... and i would rather have SOME WHAT of a heads up

Ken says:

meanwhile ur doing more with ur ex then i am, so i can get slapped but u cant

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

Ken- people cheat when they arent happy. You werent making me happy

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

and that made me vulverable to dave

Ken says:

so u cheatedÉ

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

No... wed have to be dating for it to be cheating

Ken says:

fuck that shit, u r playing such a doublew standard right now

Ken says:

what the fuck did u 2 do together

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

NOTHING

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

I swear

Ken says:

then how come ur saying all this cheating shit

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

Im saying WHEN dave kissed me... because i was still seeing you it still bothered me, because to me it was still a form of cheating

[ Chloe Sullivan ] says:

ive never done anything more

</lj-cut>

The conversation was pointless really. I failed to tell him that Dave and i kissed on Tuesday when Dave was here, but none of that matters any more. I messaged Ken later that day saying 'i miss you' and he never responded back. Its done. Its over. He is NOT what i want.

Yesterday. Oh god.

Big Bucks. I hadn't fully recovered from the insane drinking week. So i offered to drive. I got Chantel and went over to Daves to meet with the boys. We left for bucks and they were DRUNK. Seriously...all three of them completly hammered. Dave had too much, and i had to actually take alcohol away from him cuz i didnt want him getting sick at the bar.

So Dave and i ended up dancing together.He was being sweet.. he said he really liked my hair like this, and that he meant that in the most NON drunk way. That it was the sober part of him talking. Then he mentioned how he didnt really understand how we ended up with one another all the time. That wed slept in the same bed four times within the last week and a half, and even his mother asked him how long we had been dating. He said sometimes he didnt understand just why we werent dating. I said it was never about me not wanting to. That my feelings never changed even when i was 'with' Ken. So he said that there were so many times we were together that he wanted me so bad, but knew i had a 'bf' or whatever. then he said, even right now.

So i grabbed him and kissed him... prolly not the best thing to do- but this boy gives me butterflies when we kiss. I dont care. Seriously...

So he suggested we go outside and talk where it quieter. So we went outside to talk, and i asked him what HE wanted. He said in that he hated being single. That he was bored and wanted a girlfriend to watch movies with and hang out and just have fun.

He said my anxiety attacks kinda scared him, but he guessed that was what came with being me. I told him that this was all my past that i never really dealt with- but i wasn't crazy in a bad way.

He said i was a good girl- that i was said 'his good girl' and that he was thankful for taking care of him when he was this drunk. I told him that this entire conversation in a way really didnt matter becase he wouldnt remember it. He said he would... and that when hes drunk the part of him thats afraid to say things comes out. This is all what is in his heart- just cant say when hes sober. I said that in a week- when ive settled out my feelings for Ken, and he was sober we could talk about this more if he wanted. He said hed like that. *fingers crossed*

He got really sick, so i got everyone and took them all home. He kept apologizing and thanking me. I dropped chantel and James off, and took him home. I walked him to his door and gave him a hug. I told him it scared me when he drank this much- and he said it scared him too. He said he had to stop and he knew it. He kissed me and said hed talk to me later. I hugged him and told him to stay safe, and be careful.

I do admit, i did take advantage of him. This story seems to be repeating itself. dave gets drunk... dave confesses feelings...christine take care of dave. But really? i like it. I know its stupid but, it makes me feel needed and wanted by him. He was being so flirty, and cute. I just couldnt help but not to kiss him. He would just grab me and hug me hard and kiss me on the cheek, or lean on me, or just playfully be him.

theres a huge part of me that knows that this just may not go anywhere... and that i keep having tell myself that he was DRUNK. But aubree brought up a good point- that obviously things happen for a reason, and that there had to be a reason why we always ended up together. That obviously fate thought it didnt do a good enough job the first time.

I made the mistake of asking Jeff to talk to him. Stupid thing to do- cuz he said the same thing James did. To give up. Dave even said that his friends told him to stay single. Jeff and i ended up fighting because i told him i was asking him to do a favor for me, and he just said dont bother.

James North said he would tho... well that was like last wednesday. Alishas lucky to have him. Maybe he can talk some sense into him.

I gueess i have to wait. i hate it but there isnt much else i can do. Just wait and see... and hope he sees.

penny_lane_86 @ 2006-04-20T15:42:00

2006-04-20T20:00:53Z

I feel enlightened. Just after a few hours.

Seriously...i wish everyone could know someone who was so enlightening as Lil. Seriously, i hope that when i have kids they can go to my best friends house and be able to talk with her the way that Lil talks to me. Or even my best friends children being able to come to me. My mom is so lucky to have a friend like that. So i had my 4th exam today. The worst is over, and i feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I have one more in a week but im not worried about that just yet. Im just going to relax and enjoy the days i have by myself until my parents get home. So i got home at noon, and even though i didnt get more than a few hours of sleep (Jeff slept over, and we fell asleep in my room watching a movie, then kept waking up every hour or so cuz of all the coffee we drank while trying to study) i figured it was too nice of a day to just sit around and sleep or clean. So i called Lil and we went shopping (well she did... two shoes and a purse...) and for coffee and just sat on her porch talking. She is one of the smartest adults i know. Not just book smart, but she sees things so differently... and says it in a way that makes sence. It really was enlightening... because she makes life seem so simple...obviously its not. But she made it seem like- why stress? Things always get better eventually and turn around and if you dont lose sight of that then it will all be ok.

So as for Ken/Dave and i? Im just going to leave it be. I do need to get out of this Ken and I thing, because i know i can be happier, and until i take that step and say NO then im never going to get out there and find out. Even though it stung when Dave said it on Tuesday night when he slept over (jeze... three times in a week... ) and he said that anyone that doesnt msg me for three days is just a booty call. He was right, in a way. Ken isnt as serious as this as i am, and if that is the case it needs to be over. I have given him so many chances, and even Carlie told me when we had our talk the other night that he is lucky to even have this second chance with me... and if he isnt going to embrace this... then so be it. Not worth it. I am putting myself in a position to be dissapointed, and i know that everyone told me that...but i am learning this on my OWN, which makes it that much better. Its in his court now... ive done what i can, and im leaving this all up to him now. He can msg me, he can tell me... im through with making more effort.

Now to Dave. I put myself in an akward situation by letting myself kiss him Tuesday night. He even asked where the hell that came from (well come on, were drunk and in the same bed which is a twin... were gonna be close, and it was bound to happen) but he said that , ya- he wanted me... ya he liked me... but didnt want me to feel used because nothing was going to become of it and didnt want me to be all 'fuck you' the next day. I asked him, every time one of us has kissed the other- have i EVER said that the next day? He said no... and i told him i wasnt like that. Things will come with time... and maybe that 'thing' will be him and i together, and maybe not... but all i can do it be patient and wait.

Toga is tomorrow... and im excited as hell. Im a little nervous about things getting broken, but ill just be extra careful. I just cant wait to have my friends together, and happy. Wow. Im lucky. The guest list? Over 50 ppl. Seriously. That makes me feel more proud than the fact that its a hell of alot of ppl. But to have friends that care so much about me, that they are willing to drive down from missisauga (phil) and brampton (phil and BK) just to get together and hang out... makes me feel like im the luckiest person in the world. So its almost 80 degrees out... and staying in will just ruin this amazing mood im in. Therefore... im going to go out and DO something. Maybe you should too...

new endings? or new beginnings?

2006-04-20T12:02:04Z

Dear Christine,
Here is your horoscope
for Thursday, April 20:

You feel like something's ended, but really, that just means that something else is about to begin. It's time to discard the pieces of a life that no longer suits you. Get ready to greet a brand-new day.

Maybe that is telling me that since Ken, once again changed plans without much explanation, that this needs to be over. Now.

I feel like a bed whore.
Whats a bed whore? Sleeping in a bed with the same guy three times in one week, and then another one in that same week. JEZE.

penny_lane_86 @ 2006-04-18T11:00:00

2006-04-18T15:01:34Z

I was up until 5 am studying. Then i woke up at 930 and started again. The exam is at two.

Cross your fingers and pray for me.

Tonight im getting drunk.

homesick :S

2006-04-17T19:59:51Z

I got an email from my prof. Im going into documentary with a 33%... i think.

Im going to fail. Fuck. I miss mom so much now... i wish i could call her.

I cant seem to keep my mind on studying cuz im crying so hard.

Oh god.